We have all experienced unhappiness. We are aware when we are unhappy and feel motivated to escape that state. It is said that when the discomfort of remaining the same is greater than the discomfort of change, we are compelled to take action. The anguish of staying unhappy is overwhelming for the majority of us. We take the necessary steps to alleviate emotional or physical pain. At times, these steps are healthy, and other times they are not, but we eventually reach a state that can be described as "not unhappy."
When we say we are "not unhappy," we are referring to a state between unhappiness and happiness. We may be comfortable, but some of us have a vague feeling that there is something more for us in life. We may not know exactly what it is or how to achieve it, but we sense its presence.
This feeling aligns with what Joseph Campbell described as "The call to adventure" in his influential work on The Hero's Journey. Campbell noted that the second step of the Hero's Journey is refusing the call. When we ignore that inner voice urging us toward something greater, we enter what I call "The Dead Zone."
We choose to remain in our ordinary world, anchored to the familiar routines and comfort zones we've always known. Our life unfolds predictably, characterized by a sense of safety and stability. We maintain a steady job, surrounded by the same circle of friends and family, and perhaps even nurture a long-term relationship. However, our existence becomes marked by a subtle longing or a feeling of unfulfillment, as we suppress the inner yearning for something more. We might find solace in the predictable nature of our lives, but deep down, there's a lingering curiosity about the unexplored opportunities and potential adventures that lie beyond the horizon. Over time, our refusal of the call may lead to a life dominated by regret and what-ifs, as we wonder about the untaken paths and the uncharted territories that could have added richness and depth to our existence.
Robert Frost said this beautifully in the last stanza of his poem, The Road Not Taken.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
After experiencing the loss of my business and going through a divorce, I found myself at a crossroads. I chose the path that seemed familiar - the one that I believed would provide me with security and perhaps even help me recover from the biggest failure in my life. My "good job” as the Dean of the School of Business at a small university turned out to be a dead end, leading to boredom, irrelevance, and a constant state of “not unhappy.”I could hear the call for change, but I ignored it like a telemarketer's call, sending it straight to voicemail. I was too scared and damaged to take the less traveled path, and I didn't believe that flourishing was ever possible for me. I'm not even sure if I truly understood what the word meant.
Fortunately, I learned that the road to The Dead Zone has off-ramps that lead to the “road less traveled” There’s a lot less traffic on that road, and it will take you to a much better place if you happen to be a person like me hearing that classic song by Peggy Lee, Is That All There Is?
How did I discover the off-ramps? Let me count the ways:
I developed relationships with people who were obviously flourishing in their lives and learned from their stories
I read books, lots of books, about life transitions.
I took courses, online and in person. I’ve invested thousands of dollars in my personal growth over the last five years.
Meditation has helped me quiet the negative noise in my head so I could hear the call. Forming the habit of sitting still for a few minutes every day and focusing on my breath brought greater clarity to my thinking and brought into focus that fuzzy and difficult question: “What am I supposed to be doing with the rest of my life.”
If you hear Peggy Lee in the background every day singing, Is That All There Is, read some books, meet some outstanding people, invest in your education regardless of your age, and sit still once a day and listen for the call. You’ll quickly realize that this is not all there is.
Pat, I've really been inspired by your writing -- especially your past few blog posts. I love the idea of applying Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey to life decisions. It is scary to take that first step on the call to adventure -- so glad you've taken it!