Lana Turner Syndrome
In 1936, 16-year-old Lana Turner was skipping school and hanging out at a Hollywood drugstore called the Top Hat Malt Shop on Sunset Boulevard. According to legend, a talent agent named William R. Wilkerson spotted her sitting at the counter. Struck by her beauty, he approached her and asked if she was interested in becoming an actress. Supposedly, she was given a screen test and signed to a contract with Warner Bros. shortly after.
We may dream of being discovered or rescued by a benevolent benefactor who sees something in us that we may not see in ourselves. The idea of someone recognizing our potential is enticing, like winning the lottery. However, it's not likely to happen. As a friend once said, "I read Think and Grow Rich and thought for two years. Nothing happened."
We might point out that Lana Turner was in the right place at the right time. She was also breaking some rules. However, Lana Turner was stunningly beautiful, a gift she had through no effort on her part. Most of us don’t have that gift.
I've learned that my childhood fairy tales are not going to come true without specific intention and action on my part. I have to create the circumstances I want in my life. Nobody is going to do it for me.
During a recent workshop, someone asked, "What is it that you are pretending to not know about yourself?" This question led me to explore an issue that I had been avoiding. I have "father issues." My father passed away suddenly when I was a young teenager, and even before that, we didn't have a close relationship. I always envied people who talked about their loving fathers, who took them fishing or taught them practical skills like changing the oil in a car. In Texas, and maybe everywhere, the stories always start with “My Daddy.” I’ve always thought that it’s so nice to hear a grown man refer to his father as “My Daddy.”
Sometimes it’s not so nice. Living in Texas, I often hear stories about fathers rooted in toxic masculinity. Stories like, "My Daddy beat the shit out of me." It's disturbing to hear that statement said with pride. It breaks my heart to think about their children who suffer because of their father’s refusal to recognize the shadow that has been passed down to them.
For many years, I searched for a "father" figure who would adopt me and mentor me to greatness. I had a case of the Lana Turner Syndrome, waiting for someone to see potential in me that I couldn't see in myself. However, that person never showed up, and instead, I attached myself to men whom I admired as father figures. Unfortunately, they never seemed as attached to me as I was to them.
At 81 years old, that feeling still lingers within me, but bringing it into clear awareness has weakened its hold considerably. In psychology, this is known as our shadow, the unconscious factors that influence our lives. Shadows thrive in darkness and don't like the light.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, who died in 1882, knew the importance of doing our own work to find out who we are:
“There is a time in every person’s education when he or she arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in her is new in nature, and none but she knows what that is which she can do, nor does she know until she has tried.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Socrates, who died in 399 BC had it figured out long before Ralph Waldo Emerson. Socrates is famously associated with the dictum "Know thyself." The concept of "Know thyself" was central to Socratic philosophy and can be understood in a few key ways:
Self-Examination: Socrates believed that a person should engage in self-examination and introspection to gain a better understanding of themselves. This involves questioning one's beliefs, values, and actions to discover the true nature of the self.
Humility and Ignorance: Socrates emphasized the idea that true wisdom comes from recognizing one's own ignorance. By acknowledging what one does not know, a person can begin the process of learning and self-improvement.
Moral and Ethical Reflection: Socrates was particularly interested in moral and ethical matters. He believed that by knowing oneself, individuals could better understand their own moral principles and the right course of action in various situations.
Questioning Assumptions: Socrates was known for his method of questioning, often referred to as the Socratic method. Through a series of probing questions, he encouraged individuals to critically examine their beliefs and assumptions, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and their beliefs.
Socrates' "Know thyself" is a call to engage in self-reflection, to question one's beliefs, and to strive for self-improvement through the pursuit of wisdom and knowledge.
I’m grateful for all of the “fathers” that I have met in my life who have shared their wisdom with me and served as role models. I hope you have someone in your life who is your mentor on your Hero’s Journey.
What is it that you are pretending to not know about yourself?