The statement, “I’m not the person I used to be,” is usually meant negatively to call attention to our weaknesses or lack of capabilities. It’s usually used in connection with aging.
However, it can be powerful, inspirational, and motivational if we expand it to say, “I’m not the person I used to be. I’m the person I’m becoming.”
I remember an old TV commercial for a beauty salon, saying, “If your hair isn’t becoming to you, you should be coming to us.” Are you “becoming” or stuck in the past?
Are your prime years a thing of the past or just on the horizon? Your perspective may reveal whether you perceive life as an arc, peaking at mid-life before declining, or as an ever-ascending staircase, constantly reaching new heights.
Are my prime years in the rearview mirror? A glance in my rearview mirror. confirms some exceptional years:
The births of my children. They were truly memorable years.
Climbing the Grand Teton in my fifties. An extraordinary year.
A grand motorcycle adventure to Sturgis, South Dakota. Those days are etched in my memory.
Spending six months in Antarctica at the South Pole, and working outside in -40 degrees. A challenging yet transformative year.
Those were good years; however, labeling these years as the "best" invites unnecessary comparison. As Teddy Roosevelt wisely stated, "Comparison is the thief of joy."
Perceiving life as an arc with the "best" years behind me is a recipe for joylessness. The years I listed and countless others were remarkable but not the "best." Labeling a year as the "best" detracts from appreciating the present moment and keeps me stuck in the past.
Now, at 81, if my future years revolve around the birth of my children, climbing a mountain, enduring sub-zero weather, or other physical achievements, I will never have a better year. And, while I continue to ride my motorcycle at 81, Saturday morning breakfast runs are more likely than cross-country two-week road trips.
However, viewing life as a staircase empowers me to know that my prime years are yet to come. What other motivation is needed to keep climbing the staircase? But to conquer the climb, I must shed some baggage and lighten the load of the past. While honoring my old self, I have to let go of it and look toward my future self . . . and believe that it is out there.
The story of Roy Kent in the hit TV series Ted Lasso is a classic example of this dilemma of life transitions. Kent was a star soccer player admired by all. His whole identity was wrapped up in his image as a star athlete. As he aged, he could no longer keep up with the other players and perform at the same level that made him a star. Then, he fell and had an injury that forced him into retirement. He languished for a long time, feeling angry, empty, and purposeless. Then he let go of the old Roy Kent and became a coach on his old team. He let go of his past and embraced a new Roy Kent in a new game.
Roy Kent may be the best depiction of a mid-life transition I’ve seen. It portrayed the difficulty of leaving his old and familiar life in a way that all of us who have gone through the same thing can identify with. We watched him in that liminal state, wandering in his personal wasteland, realizing that he was no longer the person he used to be but not knowing who he was becoming. Can you identify with the fear of irrelevance? Then we saw that beautiful moment when he ran back on the field, and Ted Lasso said, “Welcome, Coach,” and began to talk. Roy said, “Shut up. You had me at coach.” At that moment, he began a new life.
It’s not too late for all of us to start a new life if we do the inner work to discover our gifts and find a new game where we can use those gifts in the service of other people.
The beautiful serenity prayer says it all: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
all that time in antarctica, the most astounding place on earth! i look forward to hearing more.