Grow Old Like Isabella Rossellini
“How do I fulfill the rest of my life? That question came to me very clearly at 45, and I didn’t have an answer.”
“First there is the fall, and then we recover from the fall. Both are the mercy of God!”—Lady Julian of Norwich
The higher the climb, the harder the fall. Isabella Rossellini had a hard fall in her mid forties. She was one of the most recognizable models in the world as the face of Lancôme until the beauty brand dumped her for being “too old.” Rossellini was suddenly faced with a question that she’s still working through today: “Who am I, and how do I fulfill the rest of my life?”
Many of us have experienced or are currently experiencing life transitions, which can be particularly painful when they're not our choosing. Isabella Rossellini's story, revealed in a recent New York Times interview, is an inspiration for those of us who have encountered such falls.
Reflecting on Lady Julian of Norwich's quote, it's clear that recovery from a fall can be seen as an act of divine mercy. However, how could the fall itself be considered an act of God's mercy?
In "Falling Upward," Richard Rohr discusses the concept of the "two halves of life." He suggests that the first half of life is about building identity, security, and a sense of self through accomplishments, societal norms, and external validations. However, he views the "fall" not as a negative event but as a necessary stage in spiritual development. Rohr proposes that the "fall" is when individuals experience a crisis, failure, or loss that challenges their ego-centered worldview and leads them to deeper self-awareness and spiritual growth. He emphasizes that this "fall" is not a setback but an opportunity for transformation and a shift towards a more authentic and mature spiritual journey.
Rosselinni’s life was built around societal norms and external validations. Her fame, fortune, and identity were based on her beauty. Even her name is beautiful. Her ego-centered worldview was challenged, and the mercy of God must have led her to a deeper self-awareness and the existential questions, “Who am I, and how do I fulfill the rest of my life?”
Now, in her 70’s, her wisdom and answer to those questions are revealed in her response to the interviewer who asked her about men: “I say to you as an older woman and a wise woman: You’re asking me questions about men, as men are who give us our identity. They don’t. There are many other things that can give you identity: knowledge, children, friendship, curiosity. And we have been limited to wanting to have the men’s gaze to define who we are. It’s not necessary.”
It must have been divine assistance to help a woman whose entire existence was based on the admiring gaze of men to let go of that and realize that she was more than her beauty.
Her response to the interviewer’s final question reveals the wisdom of a woman who has discovered her inner beauty and the beauty of the second half of life.
Earlier you were a little exasperated when you sensed me trying to make meaning out of your life or to sort of glean things from the way that you lived. But you seem to be in a place where your own desires and dreams are what are most important. “I think that’s what is called old age. You know, they all talk about wrinkles, but talk about the freedom that comes with old age. When you’re young, there is a lot of expectation. You have to make a career; you have to prove that you can be financially independent, you can raise your children, you’re successfully married — there are so many things that you have to prove. But then as you become older, you just are lucky to be alive and healthy. And then you start saying: Well, what do I want? Let me do what I want. I mean, short of hurting anybody. I buy chickens. I play with wool. I play with the heritage breed of sheep. I go back to university and take a course on ornithology. There is a great serenity. You have to make money. I have a pension, and you know, I’ve been lucky, so hopefully I will not be a burden to anyone. And that’s it. I’m ready for the end. Somebody called me the other day and said, We’re doing a podcast called “The Third Act,” or “The Last Act.” I said, OK, I’d like to do it, but who knows? It may not be the last act! I might come back as a ghost. Be careful.”
The last line of Mary Oliver’s beautiful poem, The Summer Day, asks a question that Isabella Rossellini has answered in her recovery from the fall: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
This photo in @liberationfr is me 10 years from now! Ha ha ha ha . I feel that my non retouched covers in Vogue and Elle created some kind of sensation and a “ competition” about who can photograph me with more wrinkles. My brother made me laugh saying “ They go from one extreme to the other. Either photos are retouched to eliminate all wrinkles or they add them!”. I was asked why wrinkles but not let my hair go gray. I do, my hair for the moment is still this color.