Glaring, Glancing or Gazing
“We mend and renew the world by strengthening inside ourselves what we seek outside ourselves, not by demanding it of others or trying to force it on others.” —Richard Rohr
I am currently participating in The Living School, a one-year program from the Center for Action and Contemplation. The curriculum is centered on our own lives. It involves a journey into our spiritual core to gradually strip away layers of our false self and uncover our true self, which has always been present.
Why am I enrolled in a one-year course at eighty-one that is taking me on a journey to find my true self? Am I an optimist or just curious to discover who I am at this stage of life?
I had no interest in spirituality or religion in the first half of my life. I was bound by my five senses, living on the circumference of my life. If I couldn't perceive something through sight, taste, touch, hearing, or smell, it held no meaning for me and likely didn't exist.
In the second half of my life, I've recognized that there's more to my existence than just my five senses, achievements, or financial status. There's a core within me where my ego steps aside, connecting me to something larger, something I've often found difficult to discuss. It could be God, the Universe, a Source, Truth, or a higher Power. While I'm not certain about its nature, I do know that it transcends me and potentially holds the key to understanding the sources of my suffering . . . and joy.
For instance, I'm studying contemplation, a state where every action is in loving harmony with the present moment - a long, loving gaze at reality. But what is reality? It's what occurs just before we process it through our mental operating system. Here, we subject it to a form of mental triage. Our minds are wired to think dualistically, immediately categorizing what fits and doesn't and what we like and don't. Some things I allow in, others I reject. The result sometimes bears little resemblance to reality.
Typically, we observe in three ways: glaring, glancing, and gazing. Gazing lovingly at reality represents a unique perspective. Throughout my life, I have glared at various things and individuals. My judgment is fully activated when glaring, and my internal filters only let in what meets my criteria. Often, I glance at things because I'm in a hurry or the object of my attention is moving too quickly.
One summer in Texas, I glared at my front yard, lamenting how the harsh 100-degree days had turned my lawn into what resembled brown straw. I then began comparing my yard to my neighbor's, which was still green. I suspected he must be ignoring the water restrictions. That was the "reality" I perceived. It was all made up, but that was how my default mind worked. I learned that we all go to judging, categorizing, and comparing without intentional effort to engage our non-judgmental, non-dual thinking minds.
When I sat and gazed at my yard without judgment or comparison, I saw something different. I saw beauty in the “dead” grass, knowing that it was going to come back to life again. I reflected on the beautiful miracle of death and resurrection that is part of nature. I began to feel part of it all. Maybe that’s what it means to allow God in.
I also felt a new sense of freedom - free of the need to control, influence, change, or do anything. Rarely do I experience the joy of doing nothing without feeling guilty for doing nothing. Richard Rohr has a mantra or prayer to help bring us into this contemplative state. Sit in a comfortable place, bring your attention to your breath, and repeat these phrases slowly and lovingly:
Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.
I haven’t figured out if that phrase is God talking to me or me talking to God. That opens the door for deep philosophical or spiritual thought and discussion. I do know that it helps calm my mind and bring me closer to a pure being without the tyranny of my ego passing judgment on me and everyone else.
Our critical, judgmental, and categorizing minds make our lives smaller. Despite the chaos and hatred we see, the world is beautiful if we stop to look at it and gaze at it just as it is.