You have probably heard of the Parable of the Boiled Frog. According to the parable, if you put a frog in a pot of water at room temperature and gradually increase the heat, the frog will adapt to the gradual changes until it eventually becomes frog soup. While the truth of this parable is uncertain, the concept of adapting to gradual change is real and relevant. Although frog soup may not be appetizing, the idea is important.
About three years ago, I discovered that I was fifty-five pounds overweight. It was a shock to me when I plotted my height and weight on a body mass index chart and realized that I fell into the obese category. I never thought that the word "obese" would describe me. However, the weight gain happened gradually, without me fully realizing it, like the frog in the pot. If I had suddenly woken up one morning fifty pounds overweight, it would have been a wake-up call for me to take action. The body mass index chart was a wake-up call that motivated me to get back to a healthy weight. It would have been easier if I had not adapted to every pound along the way.
As we age, the frog shows up. The external culture undergoes a gradual shift from a culture of acceptance to a culture of rejection. Simultaneously, the internal culture of our body and mind also undergoes certain inevitable changes.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.. —Reinhold Niebuhr
We cannot change the process of aging itself, but we can change our perspective and approach to aging. As the serenity prayer reminds us, there are certain aspects of aging that are beyond our control, while there are others that we can influence and modify. We don’t have to adapt to all of the challenges of aging.
Here are a few that we can influence in a positive way:
Happiness: The u-curve of happiness tells us that we can be happier as we age . . . if we do it right. Happiness is a skill that can be learned. If we are surrounded by unhappy people, there is a good chance that, like the frog, we will adapt to that culture and also be unhappy.
Weight gain: We live in an obesogenic culture. Like the frog, we adapt to our surroundings. If we lived in one of the Blue Zones, we would probably maintain a healthy weight well into old age. I grew up believing the myth that people naturally gain weight as they get older. Of course, we will put on a few pounds as we age, but obesity should not be an option.
Muscle loss and weakness. We lose some strength as we age, and we adapt to the weakness and balance challenges by moving more slowly and adopting a hesitant and unsteady gait. If we lived in a culture that valued exercise, we could maintain strength and walk energetically into the later years of our lives.
Cognitive ability. Notwithstanding the onset of dementia or Alzheimer's, we think differently as we age. Arthur Brooks, a social scientist and author, has written extensively about the two types of intelligence: fluid and crystallized.
Fluid intelligence is the ability to think abstractly, solve problems, and learn new things. It is often associated with speed of thought and processing power. Fluid intelligence typically peaks in early adulthood and declines with age.
Crystallized intelligence is the accumulation of knowledge and skills over time. It is often associated with wisdom, experience, and judgment. Crystallized intelligence continues to grow throughout life.
In his book From Strength to Strength, Brooks argues that people should focus on developing their crystallized intelligence in the second half of life. He believes that crystallized intelligence is more important for happiness and success in later years than fluid intelligence.
We hang on to fluid intelligence as we age instead of jumping onto the crystallized intelligence curve.
In the hit series, Ted Lasso, Roy Kent, the star soccer player, continued to play despite his age and recurring injuries. Eventually, he was compelled to retire, and he found himself wandering in unhappiness and anger. However, he realized he could utilize his crystallized intelligence and wisdom as a coach. Returning to the field, he played a different game. He rejected the notion that retired individuals were no longer valuable to the world and should fade away quietly.
Maybe we could rephrase the Serenity Prayer: Give me the serenity to accept that I can no longer play the game that I have played throughout my life, the courage to discover a new game, and the wisdom to recognize the right time.
The default state for all of us as we age is to gradually decline into decrepitude as we adapt, like the frog, to our culture. When we were children, we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. Maybe it’s worth asking how we want to be when we grow old. Getting old is easy, everybody is doing it. Growing old requires the growth mindset of a lifelong learner who is going against the prevailing culture and creating the life they want. The life-long learner jumps out of the pot of water before it is too late.
We need a lighthouse to guide us through the turbulent seas of aging. That lighthouse is a clear vision of how we want to be as we grow older. We get what we think about whether we want it or not.
"Some men see things as they are and say, 'Why?' I dream of things that never were and say, 'Why not?’ —Robert Kennedy
Can we navigate the latter half of our lives with creativity, energy, and optimism, utilizing our talents to benefit others? I believe we can if we shift our attention away from the present circumstances and instead focus on our personal lighthouse, which can illuminate the path to what is possible.
By default, we simply get older. By keeping our focus on our lighthouse, we can actively grow older.
How do you want to be in your later years?
Good Morning Pat, You were really up late posting this. Enjoyed it very much. Stay warm, miserable outside.