A Broadway Play in my Mind
Do you have too much drama in your life?
Sometimes I feel like a playwright because I can create a drama that’s worthy of a Broadway play in my head.
I can take the smallest conflict and blow it up into an imaginary production complete with characters and motivations.
My productions have three main roles: a victim, a persecutor, and a hero. I usually assume the role of the victim, however, I’ve been known to easily move into each of the roles.
There’s a story about a man who had a flat tire on a lonely country road. He had no jack. He saw a light in a farmhouse about a mile down the road. As he started to walk toward the farmhouse, the light went out. As he continued to walk, he imagined the farmer was going to bed and would be sound asleep when he got to the house. Surely, he would be very annoyed at someone knocking on his door late at night. He probably would come to the door with a gun. By the time he got to the house, he was convinced that the farmer was going to run him off the property with a gun and slam the door in his face. When the farmer opened the door, the man yelled, “Keep your f*&%ing jack you s.o.b.”
Have you ever created one of those dramas in your mind? What role did you play?
I’m describing the Drama Triangle, a social model that was first proposed by psychologist Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. It’s sometimes called the Dreaded Drama Triangle or DDT as a reminder of the banned insecticide that pollutes the environment. The Drama Triangle pollutes our minds.
It describes a dynamic where we adopt one of three roles: victim, persecutor, or rescuer, in order to create or perpetuate a sense of drama in our relationships or interactions with others.
In this dynamic, the victim feels helpless or powerless, the persecutor blames or attacks the victim, and the rescuer intervenes to try to save the victim. These roles are often interchangeable and can create a cycle of conflict and drama that can be difficult to break.
The Drama Triangle can be useful in helping us recognize patterns of behavior that may be contributing to our conflicts with others. By becoming aware of our roles in the dynamic, we can work towards breaking the cycle and finding more constructive ways to communicate and interact with others.
With the awareness that comes from mindfulness and meditation, we can shift from Victim to Creator and see our problem as an opportunity for learning and growth. We can move from Rescuer to Coach by “teaching a man to fish” instead of solving their problem for them. We can become a Challenger instead of a Persecutor by bringing ourselves into presence so we can see clearly what we want instead of blaming the other.
What is the award-winning role that you’re playing on the stage of life?